Posted in care, happiness, life, one story at a time., love letters

For Dad, with love and utmost respect.


His eyes sparkle and they always say that he loves me. He never shows his pain to me- never ever; he can not see me in pain either. He did not have everything but he has made sure that I get everything. Comfort, opportunities to learn, opportunities to fulfill interest, chances to socialize, spaces for learning about religion and goodness and what not. He has made my dream of studying at AKU possible. He is not like that only with his wife and son but also to the extended family. He would never want anything for himself; he finds joy in giving. It feels very nice when a down-to-earth person like him asks something for himself. You never have to tell him what you like, he would just get it. I never explicitly told him how much I love peaches and coffee but he knows. All his life, he has given me his unconditional love, support, encouragement and care. Making me feel that yes there is a strong, brave and patient man who would take me under his arms no matter what.

I love sitting with him on the swing since childhood, that has always been our bonding time and place. As a child, many times I would just sleep on swing or sofa and he would pick me up and take me to the bed. When he came back from work, he would bring toys for me. I still cherish the toy steam boat that he brought and we would get ourselves wet to see its magic in a bucket/tub. I loved going with him to office from where he would take me to a flea market to have a cold drink, what an experience! He would take me to Sindbad every month and I would sit in his lap while commuting. We would pinch each other often and we both loved it.

He would bug me to get new clothes when he feels that I have ran out of clothes due to gaining weight :p and also otherwise. “Muje sach mai itni khushi huwi ke tu apne liye yeh [kurta] laya” is what he said to me recently. He would treat or gift my mom suits, watches, rings without any reason; I have learned a lot about relationships from them and the developed habit of giving gifts. And then for himself, he would be so happy in just receiving the gift that he wont even bother about what it is. When he feels down, he wants both of us to lay beside him. When I fainted for the first time, he was there to catch me; when I was hospitalized he kept no stone unturned to give me best possible comfort. When my head was bleeding, he came running to the clinic. Our new found love is joining our heads to show affection.

He loves to take us to dine out, though he would not eat much himself. After the meal, ‘Pan’ is a must because my mom likes it and ice cream would automatically follow because we all love it. Returning home, he would say ‘Maza aya’ and I would naughtily answer ‘Nahi’ and he would say ‘Bohat maza aya’ and his Raja would have big smile with a yes. Thankfully, God has given my family many happy moments together to spend together and celebrate many occasions. He has mashallah se celebrated all my birthdays till now 🙂

Recently, we went to Port Grand. It would continue to be one of the most cherished evenings of my life. He learned how to use his new toy, the camera that my uncle [pappa] specially sent on his request. He was exalted with joy while practicing it as if he has never used a camera before. This amazes me because in actuality have inherited my passion for photography as he used to capture beautiful photographs of mine from an analog camera. Moreover, he would not show his tiredness because it was physically taxing for him to walk and be at a place for long. Oh I can never forget the day when he took me to buy my DSLR and we both were smiling all day. He loves to listen to my mindless stories, high aspirations and achievements.

He never shows anyone that he is hurt by them. He has an amazing sense of humor. He made sure that I never indulge in bad habits and at the same time, he allowed me utmost freedom. He even gives me right to fight with him and later also makes sure that I get some kind of gift or treat as my mood would be down. He can just read my mind, when I am in a worry, he picks it up within a second. The way he gently caresses his eyebrow and lower lip while sleeping is an adorable sight. He is so innocent that he would say sorry even when there is no mistake of his.

Ready to help the needy, he supported them so they can build their houses by their own selves. He would rather put others first than putting himself first. Maybe that’s why few supposedly rich people does not like the man with a big open heart. His purpose and approach to life is completely different, those who are into mundane stuff find it difficult to comprehend his magic. He does all this wonderful things because I feel he is a blessed child. God somehow has always helped him to do such wonderful things and it is only because of Him that he is this caring and selfless person. He never takes No as an answer, he keeps on trying and never gives up. He has seen a lot of difficulties on various front but God has always been kind. He has answered his prayers in the most amazing way and he has always kept him under his shelter. He has always chosen the best for our family. I thank God that He chose him as my father. I feel fortunate that he completes my name. I feel proud to have Tajuddin in my name.

This all is not only for Dad, this is also for Mom because they both have always been together through thick and thin supporting each other mashallah. Both help each other to do whatever they wanted. There are so many more good things to write… He sometimes says that ‘Mere jaisa baap tuje nahi milega’ and I feel sach mai bohat kam ko hi milta hai, Shukarmowla.

Thanks is not a good enough word for the awesome-ness of my dad and mercy of my lord.

Did I tell you that with his smile everything, every place and every moment lights up!

Prayers and lots of love. *Kiss on the forehead*

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Posted in life, one story at a time.

=)


Smile does it for everyone. Just a smile. Have you ever received a smile from stranger? It is so selfless that it strikes the deepest chord of your heart. You know it is not fake. You can feel the warmth and the joy inside. Even fake smiles work. It has a fair chance to make you happy but more than that, it does make other feel special. Smile to everyone, even if that person is a stranger. Who knows that smile can change that person’s life forever. Who knows that smile can vanish some moments of anxiety or worry which could have produce a loss afterwards. Who knows that smile can ignite the zeal to live.

Pass it on with a smile :)

Posted in life, one story at a time.

It’s a new year which would prove Mayans wrong or whoever interpreted them :D


What a wonderful year indeed, mashallah. Had the most beautiful Navroz ever and bundles of joy on many occassions, turned 25th and lived great moments with family, got double distinction in AREPP which continued with good scores in M.Ed., ‘proposed’ a research, watched wonderful movies, experimented with creative mixed-medium stuff – including giving gifts ♥, explored new avenues like educational technology, made ‘real’ friends and got rid of some sources of negativity. God I ♥ you, thanks for making this year so memorable. I would always remember 2011. Blessed be everyone!
Posted in life, one story at a time.

Challenges of Group Work


For high quality work, there is need of organization of mind and not organization of time. The unfortunate part is that we give so less time on thinking and analyzing and so much worry on deliverable that we start working without thinking. Sometimes you need to pick battles in order to ensure quality because there should be no compromise.

Posted in life, one story at a time., research

On 11.11.11 I proposed and the day became immortal


Each relationship requires time, exponential energy, fights with significant other, fights with your own self, affirmations coupled with advice, care and sweetness of love. Such has been my case as well; this has been a beautiful experience (include catharsis).

Research, my love, when I imagine you.. I could only think about art, enjoyment of learning, understanding complex realities and manifestations of all three. I thought IB curriculum would be a good choice on which I can place my trust. But then I started to share the idea with others and got responses like, “Think PRAGMATIC”; “Its not PRAGMATIC”; “Make it PRAGMATIC”; “PRAGMATISM is the key for graduate research.” It started my eternal disgust for the word.. 

Can a person be pragmatic in love, that I would ask? But then you weigh things in order to devise that perfect recipe. Recipe which sounds good on paper, looks good as an idea.

What about research on research methods. Seems a beautiful idea, I was excited as a wanderer; obviously love is blind. Upon the touch of love, everyone becomes a poetic. But the world is not filled with poets.. PRAGMATIC, PRAGMATIC, make it doable, PRAGMATIC; rhyming quatrain does not make the world and its inhabitants poetic. There I announced firaaq [a separation] till the right time comes.

The supervisor thought that I should revert back to IB curriculum and so I united with my first love again, not ART but IB which is not less than a piece of art IMHO. But what to study in IB? Research filled with questions. It first annoys you and then you and your supervisor annoy each other with questions and finally these annoy your research participants. Annoy-ing in a good way, certainly!

So coming back to the question.. I would be studying student autonomy by exploring how Theory of Knowledge helps student autonomy which then becomes knower’s autonomy and whether knower is considered autonomous or not. I would be studying knower’s trajectories of autonomy. It became pragmatic, something which can add value to the CV, wohooo but again a complex subject. I love complex stuff I guess :p

However, to explain it in terms of proposal was not easy, kind of frustrating. Who would like to read so much, write so much, and drink so much – coffee yummmm. Is proposing ever easy?! You need to have the perfect words which never can be that perfect. The amount of reading and writing and coffee that was consumed couldn’t help my mom but to remark “PhD nahi karna, abhi hi pagal hogaya hai” which can be loosely translated into “Don’t do PhD, you have already become a lunatic!”

Thanks to my supervisor I finally discovered what is Theoretical Framework and my research had quite a simple one.. duh!! I felt quite stupid about not being able to pin it.

By the time I {re}wrote research question.. the idea of trajectory takes a back seat, though it still is a driving force. Now answer and explanation to life’s many problems are articulated by me through domains of autonomy and trajectory.. lol. That is called obsession.

So I proposed on 11.11.11 {i.e. submitted the research proposal}, the title says “Tracing spaces of Knower’s Autonomy in International Baccalaureate Curriculucm”. The in-laws [reviewers :p] came after a week, I proudly presented my case in good clothes and the deal was done 😀 Baat pakki hogayi tou the librarian now wants some mithai [sweets] :p

My review was less on ideas and it resonated something of this sort.

So I am back to work. Happiness is short-lived. I hope I keep my promises {of proposal}.

Nevertheless, research is a messy business. I hope you clicked the links, it has comics – nerdy comics called PhD Comics though I am not a doctorate student :p They’re so much fun!! at least for me 😀

ps: I am a lazy e-potato. Isn’t it just a start 😉

Posted in art, life, one story at a time., poetry

bokeh.


In darkness of night,

I feel the melancholy

of what cannot be seen;

yet evident upon itself.

 

I can see the fairy lights

calling fairies to dance

upon the tune of a piano

to take away the pain

-and offer it to violin.

 

I wonder, converse-ly

‘what be left then

to call my own?’

hitherto a bokeh.

[29/30-10-11]